Blog post #4: The Critical Reflection

When we first started this module, my first goal was to master the art of interacting with people in an informed and prepared manner, instead of freezing during a conversation because of my tendency to spend too long analyzing the situation to respond. My second goal was to be able to create “templates” for people I’m working with to better understand how to approach or interact with them, but to not over-rely on these templates and making assumptions based on my preconceived perception on them.

This module had me team up with a group of people I didn’t have a chance to interact with earlier, and each of them were unique individuals and archetypes that were different from what I was used to. This gave me the perfect stage to utilize the techniques taught in class to help achieve my goals.  There were many times when I didn’t like the direction the project was headed, and I used my newly acquired skills of Non-verbal communication such as tone and hand gestures to assert my views.  I also made use of Verbal communication to converse my points clearly and concisely, backed by concrete reasoning and facts, with confidence.

As I got to know my teammates better, I learnt more about their personality types and personal quirks. Early on, we all did Myers-Briggs tests, and I learnt about their listening styles. For example, Khairil (Extroverted Feeling) was the sensitive one who made decisions based on how everyone felt, while Hanzalah (Extroverted Thinking) who preferred to make decisions through everyone’s logical reasoning. Jason (Sensing) had an eye for the tiny details and whether or not an idea was feasible as compared to how me and Jarren (iNtuitive) come up with grand concepts that sound amazing on paper, but may not be realistic. This was very helpful during discussions, and I learnt how to persuade them by appealing to their individual traits, but I also made sure not to assume that they would always react the same way, due to the unpredictable nature of humanity.

However, I definitely have room to grow, as looking back, there were times when I should have used Active listening to pick up on my teammate’s opinions instead of being overly aggressive in pushing my own agenda. We unintentionally created an Authoritarian environment, where it seemed that everyone was Competing in a shouting match to push their ideas instead of Collaborating and working together in the same direction. There were even times when my teammates were discontent with my opinions, but I falsely assumed that since none of them spoke up directly, everyone was generally in agreement. Getting my point across shouldn’t be my only goal in the conversation, and I need to learn to listen better to other people’s opinions, so that I may gain better insight and possibly find even better solutions.

I learnt a lot about my communication style throughout the course of this module, and I’ve achieved my goal of getting my point across effectively, as well as my goal of creating templates to assist me in interacting with them. However, I am even more self-aware of my shortcomings now when it comes to group discussions. Therefore, I’ll end off by setting myself a new goal: instead of focusing on how to get the most favorable outcome for myself like I did when I was creating goals at the start of the module, my next goal will be to pick up on other people’s feelings better. Especially in a group project, it is of paramount importance that I realize that other people might have important things to say, but may be stifled by too much heated discussion to want to express their opposing opinions for fear of a potential argument. Thank you all for following my journey to become an expert communicator, and I hope you have enjoyed reading my posts as much as I have making them. Till next time!

: Active Listneing and Non-Verbal Communication (revised)

Today I’ll be discussing my experiences working as a bar-back at Boat Quay. The bar I worked was a bespoke bar, where we create drinks to suit our customer’s mood and preferences. This is why active listening and getting as much information as possible from short interactions is vital in our trade to ensure our customers get drinks they genuinely enjoy. I worked with a man named Sim, who always had the mentality of treating our customers as not just our guests, but also our friends. It is through observing him that I mastered the art of communication with strangers.

Our bar was called Ah Sam’s Cold Drink Stall. It was a high-class, yet casual place oozing with old-school Singaporean charm. Sim utilized the bespoke bar culture and was well aware of the expectations of him to be able to listen to customer’s stories patiently without judging.   All the customer interactions are also a product of the several decades of experience Sim has under his belt, which helped train him on how to approach or treat different people.

Even on the busiest of Fridays, Sim would always greet every new guest with a smile, and turn his body towards them, giving a personalized welcome based on their attire or mannerisms, all without losing focus on creating their cocktails. He genuinely puts in effort to making enjoyable conversations, listening intently to their every word. Instead of just giving simple short answers, he instead chooses to ask them more about specific points in their story, and makes total strangers feel like old friends.

He also adjusts his mannerisms and tone with different kinds of people. With our usual Singaporean crowd, he would switch to Singlish and speak animatedly, putting new customers at ease. He made full use of his experiences growing up in developing Singapore to portray himself as a friendly neighborhood coffeeshop uncle, and he frequently uses this friendly persona to easily befriend local customers. He even shaped his attire to fit this image, by dressing more down-to-earth and approachable, instead of wearing fancy suits. His Singaporean upbringing also raised him to treat all his customers like family, and he had no problems turning customers into regular customers because of their trust in him, and his reliable listening ear.

As a male bartender, Sim also has a reputation of being a man’s man, and he uses this to create a brotherly bond with his customers, by offering them free shots or excitedly telling them in hushed tones about the latest Thai disco. It’s very common for him to be in a heated discussion with customers about their favourite female celebrities, and men always go to him whenever something goes wrong in their relationship, because Sim will always listen to the situation patiently, and explain to them how they should proceed to make amends or help them understand where they went wrong.

In contrast, when dealing with female customers, Sim draws more on his empathetic side, and approaches them very differently. He tends to lower his voice, keeping eye contact, and slows down his speech, listening to their full stories without interrupting with his personal opinions. He also uses a lot more hand gestures and is much more descriptive when recommending drinks to them, asking them about what they’re feeling and their likes and dislikes to get a better gauge on how to make a drink they will genuinely enjoy.

To conclude, Sim is a versatile, tactful and endearing man who I have a great deal of respect and admiration for. I have learnt many communication techniques from him, and I hope to someday be as good a listener as he is.

 

 

 

 

Other people’s Posts I have read:

Everyone else in class

Blog Post #2, Week 5 : Non-verbal and Active Listening

Today I’ll be discussing my experiences working as a bar-back at Boat Quay. The bar I worked was a bespoke bar, where we create drinks to suit our customer’s mood and preferences. This is why active listening and getting as much information as possible from short interactions is vital in our trade to ensure our customers get drinks they genuinely enjoy. I worked with a man named Sim, who always had the mentality of treating our customers as not just our guests, but also our friends. It is through observing him that I mastered the art of communication with strangers.

Even on the busiest of Fridays, Sim would always greet every new guest with a smile, and turn his body towards them, giving a personalized welcome based on their attire or mannerisms, all without losing focus on creating their cocktails. He genuinely puts in effort to making enjoyable conversations, listening intently to their every word. Instead of just giving simple short answers, he instead chooses to ask them more about specific points in their story, and makes total strangers feel like old friends.

He also adjusts his mannerisms and tone with different kinds of people. With our usual Singaporean crowd, he would switch to Singlish and speak animatedly, putting new customers at ease. With Westerners, he would tend to speak more casually and friendly, asking them where they’re from and giving recommendations based on his observations.

However, if it’s a table of businessmen in suits, he would take orders in a more professional tone, and takes care in even the act of pouring their water, so as not to invade their personal space. Finally, if he’s dealing with a lady who looks depressed, he will lower his voice, maintain eye contact, and slow down his speech, allowing her to tell her full story without interrupting with his personal opinions.

In conclusion, I’ve learnt from Sim that we need to be versatile, as everybody is different. A comment that might be fine to a Singaporean could be very offensive to a European, for example. To be a great communicator, we need to take into account who we’re talking to, and adjust ourselves accordingly, taking care not just to listen to them, but to understand what they’re saying and show that we’re paying attention to them.

 

Other people’s Posts I have read:

Everyone else in class

Emotional Intelligence in Interpersonal Communication (Optional Task)

A man with lower emotional intelligence always acts based on his own emotions, rather than the other party’s. He is emotionally oblivious, and ends up saying things that are completely inappropriate for their situation or surroundings, like cracking a joke at a funeral.

In contrast, highly sensitive people are excessively worried about other people’s emotions, and may overthink each statement they make. This results in overly passive, unconvincing responses that are effectively meaningless.

I believe that an emotionally intelligent person is sensitive, yet also knows when to be assertive. He is mindful of tone and body language, and can interpret and understand the other party’s intentions and motivations. Taking these into account, he can be persuasive without being offensive.

Week 2: Strengths and weaknesses in my communication style (revised)

As a university student, and a regular human being, I find myself having to interact with other people countless times a day, every single day. When I’m having a conversation with someone, I take into consideration two main factors: First, the position of the person I’m talking to compared to my own. Are they of a higher rank than me? Are they a classmate? Secondly, and most importantly, the purpose of the conversation. Am I the one asking something of them, or the other way around?  When I start conversations with people, I have a tendency to be direct and to the point, so as not to waste our time. When I want to inform someone of new information, especially when it comes to homework or projects, I will directly convey the message, avoiding small talk.

When I am trying to communicate an idea I have, or trying to get feedback on it, I take note of facial expressions, body language and tone of voice of the other party, as these tell even more than the choice of words that they use. I am always consciously gauging how the other party is feeling and what they are thinking. One of my main strengths is being able to be a devil’s advocate, and seeing both sides of an issue to help me make more informed statements or replies.

However, this works only with people that I know reasonably well. One of the difficulties I have is when I am communicating or presenting to complete strangers, which forces me to simultaneously observe and plan responses while talking to the person or group It gets difficult for me to know how exactly I am supposed to act towards strangers, as I am really forced to base my actions off the vibes that they are given off rather than past experiences with them. However, there are also occasions when people I think I know very well react in a completely different way than anticipated, causing me to doubt my analysis and mental perception of them. This also means I have to reassess the person and create a new profile for them, so as not to unintentionally anger them because of false assumptions.

Therefore, my ultimate goal would be to craft a rough template of how to act and respond to people I am not particularly close to. Even though I may not know them very well, I still need to be able to have a decent conversation or discussion with them without them feeling uncomfortable or offended. I would also need to learn not to over rely on my assumptions of people, so that I do not fall into the trap of stereotyping everyone I meet. People are complicated creatures, and no matter how well I may perceive that I know a person, there will always be an element of unpredictability that will be out of my control or expectations. Therefore, I will always need to be prepared for the unexpected, and keep observing and adapting to changing environments.

Hello World

Effective communication skills are vital in any line of work, but especially so when it comes to engineering. No matter what field we’re in, we will, in some capacity or another, need to interact, collaborate and negotiate with other humans. As engineering students, we need to draft proposals, request materials and work with teammates, so communication is vital for our success even now. Through this course, I intend to exercise my ability to work together with my team, and understand a little better on how to get my message across in a way that is easy to understand, while taking in the other party’s opinion and feelings into consideration. I’ll participate in discussions and through learning the theory, hopefully I will be able to put my epiphanies into practice.